Finding Myself
by RiaKitsuneYoukai
Summary: The story of the Koh-Toph theory, explained to the most perceptive of people: a child. -Taang, mentions of Zutara-


I could hear them arguing before I had even reached the room. My aunt was shouting something about my uncle being clumsy, and there was a great ripping sound as she lifted a piece of floor to throw at him; the shaking reached my bare toes, and the white fabric around them vibrated in such a strange way that I had to stifle a giggle. With a hand closed over my mouth, I tiptoed to the edge of the doorway and pushed the screen open just a tiny bit so I could see inside.

"Don't you dare throw that at me!"

"You threw it at me." My uncle's face was all screwed up, halfway between a smile and a frown. In his hand was a big rock -- one my aunt had probably shot at his head. He tossed it up and down in his big, long-fingered hand and watched Auntie's expression change, just as I did; she was grinning, but her teeth weren't showing because her lips were twisted together to try and hide her amusement. Her defensive stance relaxed, and she stood up straight (even then, her head was only a little higher on Uncle than his elbows), then turned back to the counter and picked up some sort of green plant, ready to cut it; her small but thick hand reached around for the knife. Uncle's eyebrow shot up, and he stopped moving the rock; there was a gaping hole in the tiled floor where it had come from. Daddy wouldn't like that.

"You don't think I will, do you?"

Auntie started cutting, her grin obvious even though I could only see her back. "Let's face it, Twinkle Toes: you don't hit girls."

Uncle has very fast feet. I've seen him speed through the entire city, and we timed him; it only took two minutes. And no matter how many times he does it, I am always amazed.  
He was beside Auntie almost before she could react, but she tried, flipping up a very big piece of floor like a wall. Uncle jumped on top of it with his long, springy legs and threw the rock directly into her face. I gasped, and both of them turned so quickly to look my way.

I was relieved to see that the rock was mearly dust, which Uncle had crushed before throwing. On the other hand, I had been discovered. I stumbled to my feet and tried to make a run for it, but both my godparents were on me before I could take more than one step. Uncle grabbed me around the middle and pulled me into his arms, which were so long they nearly encased me.

"Toph! I've found a spy!" Uncle said, and I squirmed, giggling. Auntie crossed her arms, frowning at me. Her eyes were on Uncle's shoulder, but I could tell her playfully suspicious words were for me.

"What're you doing out here, Princess?"

"Don't call me 'Princess'!" I said right away. She snickered and leaned on Uncle. Uncle didn't say anything because he was watching me. He seemed to get a lot of amusement out of my not being able to move. "What _are_ you doing out here?"

"I was bored," I explained, trying to free my arms from Uncle's strong grasp, "Daddy talks too much."

Auntie burst out laughing. Uncle relaxed his arms enough that I could pull out mine, then held me tight by my waist. He kissed my forehead, laughing also. He glanced at Auntie, and she shrugged; they both walked back into the kitchen, still holding me. It's a bit irritating when they do that: talking without talking. I looked up from under Uncle's chin to watch him; he and Auntie are so much younger than my parents. His skin was only a little tanned, and he had lots of tiny scars. I lifted a hand to poke at a few, and he smiled down at me. He had big ears, and no hair (Mommy said his hair does grow, but he cuts it all off), and the biggest smile of anyone I knew, except, maybe, my baby brother. His eyes were a funny gray color, like the surface of the moon.

He gave me to Auntie when we got back to the kitchen, again without talking. She had to hold me differently, because her arms weren't as long or strong as Uncle's -- they were totally opposite, in fact. Her arms were short, and had obvious muscles; she held me against her hip, tilted slightly to balance our weight. Auntie's face was rounder than Uncle's, and much paler. She didn't have little scars, but one faded big one, starting behind her ear and ending underneath her chin. I think she felt me staring at it, because she tilted her head my way, and the folds of unmarred skin and her pretty black hair covered it. I looked up at her greenish-white eyes; she can't see at all, everyone tells me. But Auntie sees an awful lot for someone who can't see at all.

I wiggled a finger into her neck, reaching for the long scar. "Where'd that come from?" Her mouth scrunched up, and she tilted her head up. I could see the scar perfectly now; it stretched all the way along her chin, right to the other side.

"A big spirit monster," she said finally, and let out a long breath. The sound of Uncle's cutting knife stopped. My eyes grew wide.

"What happened?" I whispered, knowing that I was asking her something very secret. She lowered her head and pulled me up tighter against her side.

"Did your mom ever tell you about Koh?" I shook my head, and she smiled a little. "Figures. Katara only ever tells the sugary stories." Uncle went back to slicing the green food, but the cuts were slower, and I could tell he was listening very carefully.

"Does this story have something to do with Uncle Aang?"

Auntie's head flicked towards my face. "It has a lot to do with him. And a lot to do with me."

"Is this a story about how you fell in love?" I asked, remembering the many stories Mommy had told me, all of which had something to do with people in love. Even the story about her and Daddy, which was a little bit more mean than lovey, at least until the end. Auntie smiled wryly, and Uncle dropped the greens into a bin, scratching the blue tattoo on his neck.

"Not really. But it was a very important part."

"Oh," I wrapped my arms around Auntie's neck and nuzzled my face into her small shoulder, ready to hear what she had to say. She breathed lightly and leaned her head on mine.

"Koh is a spirit being that takes creatures' images away. Animals, people, even other spirits. He's called 'The Face Stealer'." I tightened my arms on Auntie, afraid for where the story was going. But I was brave about it; the tale obviously had a good end, because Auntie and Uncle were still around. "When your dad first joined our little group-- he did tell you about that, at least?" I nodded. "Good. Well, when he first joined us... well, actually, just before he joined us, me and him got in a kind of fight, and he burnt my feet."

"Your feet?!" I exclaimed, my head shooting out from under hers, "But you use your feet to see, right?"

Auntie nodded, bemused at my reaction. "Remember, your mom is a great healer."

"Oh, yeah."

"She started healing my feet, but they weren't all the way better yet," she continued, and I rested my head again, relieved. "One day, while leaving the Western Air Temple, we found a pool filled with the prettiest-sounding water in the world."

"The prettiest?" I confirmed curiously, and she smiled; "The prettiest. I've been all over the world, remember." Uncle glanced at us, a look of pride on his grin.

"We had been traveling a long time, and were really thirsty, so we all took drinks of the water. I took the last bit -- it was the sweetest water in the world too, and I took the cup and went back for more. But just when I put the bowl into the water... Koh came out." I took a deep breath, excited but afraid. "I don't know how he got there. I guess he has connections to spirit water, like the stuff at the North Pole." She put her pink lips by my ear and whispered, "I don't like that place at all."

I giggled, waiting for her to continue.

"He snatched me up and pulled me under the water. I can't swim in the first place, but he was holding me so tight I couldn't move at all." I peeked at Uncle under Auntie's chin; he was leaning against the counter, his whole body loose. He didn't look our way once, but just stared at the sink, a faraway look in his moon eyes.

"What does Koh look like?" I mumbled quietly, for only Auntie to hear. She has really good hearing. But she taught Uncle earthbending, so I guess he can hear really well too. He didn't move, but said, "Like a giant centipede."

I made a face; I never liked those bugs. They had way too many legs and no obvious eyes.

"His has a face like a mask, but it's always changing to the faces of people he's stolen from. He showed me one of my past lives' wives, and he showed me Toph's." His voice was hard, now, and I cuddled into Auntie, slightly fearful. "He took her face. Her eyes, her pretty hair, her nose and her mouth."

"Did it hurt?"

Auntie looked pensive for a moment. "I don't remember. I think I drowned--"

"We pulled your out of the water, Toph." Uncle was looking over his shoulder, his eyebrows down. "I told you that."

She shook her head. "I died in there. I drowned, and woke up inside the mind of a giant bug." Uncle looked down, biting his lip. Auntie used her arms to jump me higher on her hip. "Not the greatest way to die, by the way. I do not want to drown again."

"I wouldn't let you anyway." Uncle laughed like he was sighing, his silver eyes on the ceiling. "You can't imagine how scary it was seeing you... dead. Not moving... your face was gone, Toph. Do you know how strange that looks?" He walked over to us and pushed half of Auntie's long bangs from her skin. Auntie stayed totally still, her eyes facing the inside Uncle's elbow, half closed. Her expression was blank.

"You saved her, right?" I asked Uncle quietly, and he sighed.

"Yeah. Eventually. I had to get into the Spirit World, first, and I can't do that by swimming. I had to calm down, concentrate, meditate on getting there, and getting Toph back. But I was too furious and terrified to calm down." He began playing with a few strands of Auntie's hair, and she waited patiently, letting him speak. "When Katara bent the water away, Sokka and your dad helped me get Toph out... and she was totally unconscious. She was pale and wasn't breathing and her heart was so slow..." Uncle's voice was getting weak, so I put a hand on his shoulder (mommy did that to daddy when he was stressed sometimes, and it helped). "Katara took the water from her lungs, but that didn't help... and we tried breathing air into her, but that didn't work either... and I was just watching her, wanting her to come back, wishing for it... then her face disappeared."

I tried to picture it -- did it fade, or disappear like a balloon did when it popped from high altitude? Did her eyes leave at the same time as her mouth? I asked Uncle, and he smiled a puzzled smile at me. "Gone like water running over a rice paper painting. The colors got brighter and brighter and then faded. Gone like the sun in your eyes."

Auntie's head moved a slight bit, and Uncle looked at her. "Gone like rain washing away the mud. Like the leftovers from a little flame, taken by the wind." He lit a fire in his palm and held it for a few moments, then crumpled his fingers in on it, and the smoke unfurled between his fingers. "It was frightening. So I went after her."

"You said you couldn't calm down," I reminded him, and he chucked, leaning towards me.

"I couldn't. I kept screaming and kicking things and crying... so Sokka punched me in the face."

"Uncle Sokka!?" My mouth was open wide, but I had to close it to stop from giggling again.

"Yes, Uncle Sokka. I think he was just really angry and annoyed with me... it didn't help me, really, until I was conscious again..." His eyes drifted up, and he smiled, like he was remembering something very funny. "I think he gave me brain damage. All the noises and sights of Toph's... body... and Katara's yelling were a blur... but that kind of helped me focus better. Because when I was trying to clear my head, all I could think was, 'Get Toph back'."

"So you went to the Spirit World and saved her."

"Hey, don't rush the story," Uncle yelped playfully -- he seemed to be in a much better mood, now that the first part of the story was over. "I went to the Spirit World, yes. And it looked like a swamp. Like the one I had been in when I saw the vision of Toph for the first time."

"Vision?"

Auntie groaned. "Katara doesn't tell you _anything_! Long story short, it's a big mucky place full of trees where a Aang and an illusion of me played tag."

Uncle laughed at Auntie's description, then continued: "I saw a blur of blue in the distance. Katara said, the first time we were in the swamp, that she saw her mom. All Water Tribe people wear blue, so I thought I might be her, and that would be a good thing, so I chased her... as it turns out, the person was a big bulky man in a parka. Still Water Tribe, though."

"Who was he?"

"My past waterbending life. Avatar Kuruk."

"Did he help you?"

"He lead me to Koh's tree, so yes, he did. But I didn't speak to him. You know, he lost someone very important to him, too." I asked him who. "The woman he was engaged to. Ummi. When I visited Koh before, at the Northern Spirit Oasis, he showed me her face. She's pretty," he added, and Auntie nudged him. Uncle's eyes became very intense, suddenly, and he said, "Now, you can't make a single face when you're around Koh. The tiniest expression, and he'll take your face away."

My face became very stiff.

"It's always very hard to keep a straight face when you're scared for someone. When you're angry."

"But you did," I assumed, and he nodded.

"I did. I almost failed, though, when Koh's face changed--"

"--to mine," Auntie finished, her expression both sad and somehow happy. "I saw what Twinkles looked like for the very first time. Because I wasn't blind in the Spirit World."

"Uncle saved you, right? Right then? He beat up Koh and rescued you?"

Auntie smirked at me, bemused. "What type of girl do you take me for?"

"The Auntie Toph type?"

Both my godparents laughed. Then Uncle said, "Yes, I saved Toph, but she helped me. She kept me from making any expressions."

"Though you did cry," added Auntie, looking towards him, "and I still don't get why you got away with it." Uncle shrugged.

"Because my face didn't move?"

"But your eyes reacted. Doesn't that count?"

"I guess not. I mean, you can't blink when Koh's looking at you, because that counts as a face movement--"

"Then crying should too..."

"Hey!" I said, bothered by the diversion, "You haven't finished the story yet!"

My aunt and uncle glanced at me, then said something about taking me back upstairs, to my baby brother's ceremony, where Daddy was probably _still _talking. And his stories weren't interesting at all. Auntie hitched me up higher on her hip (I kept sliding against the slippery fabric of her robe), then she and I turned out of the kitchen. Uncle said he'd catch up and returned to cutting the greens that had been so long forgotten. I frowned, looking past Auntie's head at the doorway that was slowly getting smaller.

"Auntie, what happened? With Koh? How did you and Uncle Aang get away?"

"Your uncle," she started, her eyes straight-facing down the long red hallway, "tricked the Face-Stealer. He said that he would give away his face to get inside Koh, then tear him up from the inside with his bending. Koh's a smart demon, though, and he laughed at Aang, said that bending didn't work in the Spirit World. Which, as far as I know, is true."

"So what did he do?"

"I yelled at him to get away, to go back to the Mortal World and forget about me; he already knew enough earthbending to get him by."

"Auntie!" I was almost scolding her. She turned her head near me, puzzled by my reaction. "When someone gives everything they have to protect you, you don't tell them to go away!" Her steps slowed, to a full stop, and she was silent for a while.

"...you're a smart girl." She began walking again, turning up a flight of stairs. "He stayed anyway. Just like he should, I guess. He said that his love for me would make his bending possible, and it would be even stronger inside Koh, because love is always brightest--"

"--in the dark." I finished, smiling at her. "Mommy told me about Oma and Shu. That's what they said, isn't it? Love is brightest in the dark." Auntie nodded, relieved that my mom had told me something useful to her story.

"I'm not sure Koh believed that, but I guess Aang thought he did... the details are kind of fuzzy. I lost some of my memory after we left the Spirit World." She let one of her hands rise from under my legs to itch her nose. I could hear Daddy's voice carrying through the hall, whirring like the hum of a fireplace. "Aang made a face. He looked directly at me, his cheeks all stained with tears, and smiled." My eyes grew big again, and Auntie sounded far away when she continued. "Koh lunged at him. I heard all this from Aang -- Koh had put me back inside him, and I couldn't see anymore -- Koh lunged, and Aang closed his eyes, ready to be captured... and then Kuruk jumped in front of him."

"The big man with the parka?"

"Yeah, him. He took Koh's strike and was... swallowed. Absorbed. And because Koh had already absorbed his wife, Ummi--"

"Is Ummi you?"

"What?"

"You. You and Uncle Aang are in love, right?"

Auntie's eyes were curious. "...yes."

"And Uncle Aang used to be Avatar Kuruk, right?"

"...I'm not sure it works that way."

"I think it does. I think you used to be Ummi. And her face was taken, and her eyes were taken, and you can't see inside Koh, so maybe that's why you can't see in the Mortal World." I put my hands gently against Auntie's eyes, the prettiest color of faded jade, but she was unfazed. By my hands, at least. She was quiet for a really long time, until I could hear every word Daddy was saying in the next room. Auntie stopped outside the huge decorated doors and sat down, pulling me on to her lap. I kept my arms around her neck.

"Do you want to hear the rest of the story?" she asked finally, sounding tired, and I nodded eagerly. "Where was I... right... because Ummi was already inside Koh, once Kuruk got there... well, Twinkles' bluff came true. Love actually is brightest in the dark. Kuruk's love made him powerful, and he blasted Koh in half with this pent-up energy. Koh's a spirit, so he didn't die or anything, and I think he still has those two inside him..." she frowned, her head tilted to the high, high ceiling, "but Kuruk gave Aang just enough time to get me out. He grabbed my arm, in this kind of never-ending dark -- like being in a cave, with no floor -- and he pulled me free of the Face-Stealer."

I managed a short, "Wow."

"Twinkles said I was see-through, though. In the Spirit World. Because I wasn't full. Part of my soul was still in the Mortal World, and that's what kept me from dying. He led me all the way across the swamp, at a run -- I've never run that fast. But we got back."

"And you got your body back. Your face." Auntie nodded again. "I'm glad."

"Thanks, kiddo." She ruffled my hair, and I had to redo the bun on the back of my head -- it was too hard, so Auntie fixed it. Enjoying the slight pulls on my head, I thought out loud; "How come you and Uncle Aang aren't married?" I felt her shrug.

"We don't need to be. I know that he loves me and that he's devoted, and I'm devoted to him."

"How do you know?"

"Aren't you kind of young to be asking this sort of thing?"

"No."

"You just do, I guess. Twinkles went through hell in the Spirit World to save me from an unrestful death without reincarnation, even when I told him not to. It's kind of hard not to love someone after that."

"And he loved you in another life, right?" I insisted, and Auntie sighed.

"I guess. But if Ummi was inside Koh, unable to be reincarnated, how could she be me?" Auntie was being very stubborn, obviously thinking she was right. I thought a moment.

"Because even if your spirit didn't escape, maybe your soul did, or a little piece of it, and so did your love. So those things were recreated into you, and that's how Uncle Aang found you in your new life."

Auntie's hands stopped moving, all of her stopped moving, for a long time. I waited.

"You could be a philosopher, kid."

"And maybe..." I started thinking out loud again, because another idea had hit me; "Maybe now that Ummi and Kuruk are together in the dark, you and Uncle Aang can be together in the light... but it's a dark-light, 'cause you don't see the light, and in the Spirit world Kuruk didn't see the dark for a long time..."

"You're confusing me."

I stopped to think about what I was going to say, like Daddy taught me to. "I think that before, you were in the dark and Avatar Kuruk was in the light, and Ummi was in the dark and Uncle Aang was in the light. Kuruk and Ummi are both in the dark now, but they're together, so they're still happy, and so that means that you and Uncle Aang are in the light, and you're happy. You're together in two lives: one in the dark, and one in the light."

"So... we're complete, now, you're saying." Auntie sounded very puzzled. I nodded, proud of myself.

"Until your next life. And then you can find each other again."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Sorry for overkilling the 'love in the dark' thing, but I just adore that idea so much.  
Toph and Aang aren't at the Zutara kid's ceremony because... they had to explain part of their history to the other Zutara kid who's not at the ceremony. Yeah. My logic is infallible.


End file.
